Olsonic Digressions: A Fictional Look into the Fictional Mind of the Fictional Charles Olson*
A Series by Benjamin J. Shaw, The California Poet

Episode III: Living a Spartan Lifestyle
“Listen here, Shaw. It’s simple, really: you need to simplify your life. You wonder why things get out of hand? Complexity. You need to save complexity for the most important aspects of the life of the artist: 1) your hero’s quest. It must happen…if you wish to be a real artist…like Morrison. He was completely conscious of his art.
The Rolling Stones. Conscious. Artists. And 2) you have to actually create art. Are you not a writer? Then you must make the time for writing. It’s essential.
“It’s easy, really. I’ve already preached about the necessity of curing yourself of the sports mania disease (ultimately calling for you to evolve, leaving behind the lower-brained activities that plague “lesser” humans [or those commonly referred to as ‘of the bad’ (and I must digress even further in order to call into question the actual status of the nature of maniacs, whether or not they are human at all [however, I must stress that if a mania is in fact based in either the creation or study of art, then it is an acceptable mania…although I would oppose the use of ‘mania’ in regard to such a condition])]), so I’ll move on, for the sake of your education, your new Upanishad, if you will (even though you haven’t completely evolved, but I know, like with everything I tell you, you will, at some point in your life, remember my advice…and then say, ‘Olson was right, Olson was right’).

“Think about it. The spaghetti and all of the other crap-crud you eat each day complicates your life. You’re always either walking over to the Union, or microwaving the little Jed Clampit meals in a box…all to get a sub-par, malnutritional meal. If you were of the good, like me, you would do as I do: live a Spartan lifestyle.

“Now, don’t take ‘Spartan’ the wrong way. Let me explain. It’s all about crock-pot cooking. That’s right, I said it…I use a crock pot. Every week. I cook up a nice roast, using wine, not water, with wholesome vegetables all around. Then, I portion the roast out into bowls, plastic wrap them, put them in the refrigerator, readying them for me to walk in, take a bowl, heat it up, and eat. I do the same with oatmeal. I use real oats, not the instant minute stuff.

“I’ve heard your ‘crackpot crock pot cooking’ remarks…but, in the end, you’ll realize how truly right I am. Until then, until you’ve 1) taken your hero’s quest, 2) started to seriously create art, and, finally, 3) begun to live a Spartan lifestyle, you’ll never be able to understand where I’m coming from. Face it, Shaw, you’re locked in the lower brain with all of that mania nonsense.”

~Thus Spoke THE Olson~

* DISCLAIMER: This in no way whatsoever should be confused with THE Charles Olson…but it must be stressed that this Charles Olson is in fact a mutation of the genetically engineered Charles Olson (created by flying saucer spacemen)…but the DNA sample that was allegedly taken from Charles Olson was in fact highly compromised. So, in no way whatsoever should the Charles Olsen featured in this article be associated with that weird old guy who hides in the back of the Circulation Department.